Did you ever find yourself in a situation where holding on and holding out are the only chance to survive, being however already so tired that every step bears the risk of falling down into the abyss? Just like a mountain climber crossing a mountain flank right along the top edge, both sides so steep that a fall means the end and, the weather as good an enemy. And it does not matter, how good the climber is, nor how well he prepared for the climb and how much precaution he took to ensure success, - nothing is ever good enough, to guarantee a positive ending. What chance have you then got for anything you attempt or encounter, when the circumstances dictate the outcome and you having no control over them? I am just in such a situation, where neither this nor that makes a difference and where I can only try to escape the looming annihilation. But even trying will cost me dearly, never knowing if the next step will be my surmise, tumbling down the mountain side or dying of exhaustion, never even leaving the ground. All this I experience in full awareness, also knowing, I can never be the same person if I get through this, meaning death, one or the other way...