Dear Ini!

I am not sure if this letter will reach you but I send it anyway. You are always in my mind because I know you are walking in darkness, tormented and torn between despair and hope. It does not matter what you think, what you wish for or what you should or should not do, you suffer and have recoiled into your shell of loneliness, where nobody can reach you and where nobody is to talk to. Even your own voice has become a whisper too faint for yourself to listen to.

I remember you and your sister, twins that you were but oh so different, that one could only see you both as night and day, moon and sun, snowfall and lava rain. She was the sunflower while you were the white lily of the night. I truly regret to have missed the opportunity to let you know that in contrast to your sister you were the queen of the night’s velvet blue sky. I made the mistake as everybody was likely to make, to reassure you how special you were, instead of just letting you know how I saw you; your face the shape shifting silver moon that would turn on and off the light as it pleased, your eyes when shut were the clouds passing over Luna’s ivory skin, and your mouth like a gate that you could unlock, to let the magic moonlight pour out of you like a waterfall, and as it flowed on it covered everything beneath with a shiny soft blanket, illuminating the night.

I remember that you always felt overshadowed by your sister’s sunshine, but while everyone knew about your magic, nobody, including me, was pointing it out to you. One cannot compare day and night, both are equally valid, both are needed as good as the other. One is as beautiful as the other. While one lets you grow the other lets you rest, while one makes you work the other lets you dream. How could one be better than the other when in fact they need each other? You may say, the sun is so bright and warm and brings so much joy. True, but the moon has magic, is soothing and brings so much romance. To be the queen of the night is as powerful as being the queen of the day. I believe there are more poets praising the beauty of the moon than the sun. And why wouldn’t they? Having a body that lights up the earth when night falls, wearing a star studded cape that sparkles with billions of diamonds, bringing peace and calm to a hectic world and cool relieve from the heat of the day.

As I am sitting here writing, a full moon shines on to me, glowing strong with an incredible milky yet translucent white light that spreads a radiant corona far around its body and sometimes a lonely dark cloud passing by. I am caught by its luster, caressed by its luminous softness and held hostage by its magical beauty and I am thinking of you. Even though you have covered up your sparkle with thick layers of pain, wearing a prickly coat that makes you feel safe inside, you are more vulnerable than ever. 

Sadly, no matter how much others love you, I fear that you have never truly loved yourself, but that is what matters, nothing else really counts. Of course, it did not help that the first man in your life left, not because you were not worth it, he left because he did not care for anything but for himself. Unfortunately it was oil in your emotional fire. Always doubting yourself, it confirmed your inner fears despite holding no truth as you thought it did. 

Why do I write to you? It may have been the full moon reminding me of you but I think of you even when no moon is shining, because you are suffering and I wish with all my heart, you did not have to.

Love from me, but please, find your love within yourself. 

J. S. your friend, always.